Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize