I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
