a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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