just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
