They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
