i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
