Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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