At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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