I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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