Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
