Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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