i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
