I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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