have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
