My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize