I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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