who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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