Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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