i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
