Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
