Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
