Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
