We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
