he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize