i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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