Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
