my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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