im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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