Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
