I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
