tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
