I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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