No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
