I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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