He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
