Don't make out with my wife yet
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
