I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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