just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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