gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
