is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
