1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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