Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
