I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
