I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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