Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
