what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize