a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
