Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize