She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She said her name was "party"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
