wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
