And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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