Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
