no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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