Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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