Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
