the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
