That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just invented taco cereal.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
