Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i out mim tonsoeep
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