He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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