she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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