Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
