Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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