I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize