I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
