Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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