Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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