I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
