It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
