I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
