so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
a search helicopter?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
