He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
