You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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