my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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