I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
